a puzzle piece that just might fit

The [Too-soon] Tale of the Swordsman and the Shaman

a: "If I do as you do and let things fall where they will...
....I fear they might fall where I don't want them to."
r: "...Then they will fall where they will, if it is their rightful place."
***

A part of her believes him, believes that if things are not meant to happen, then they will not. But a stronger voice inside tells her she can will some things to go her way. That somehow, in their cluttery world of strangers, dangers, and quick matches, she can make him see that what bond they had formed was true, that it can transcend the virtual world; and that in the vast desert of masked beings, he is the oasis of truth she can always come home to.

But the Knight decided to let things be and just watch and wait for things to fall into their places. The Shaman understood it to mean that some things, like feelings, should not be rushed into. She despaired over the idea of letting Time do its own thing. She knows Time just passes; it's not an active entity that knows what's best to do to a naive Shaman who is afraid and made weak by her feelings for the Knight.

The Shaman has no single image of a perfect man, for such a man might never exist. For that reason, she takes them as they are. She has met her share of good people online, intelligent and funny people, but none as irresistible and unpretentious as as this Knight. When she's in need of a good conversation, he's there. He sees through her at times, especially when her thoughts are in a mess and she's trying to organize the thoughts by relating them to him. The Shaman and the Knight don't always agree about things, which is good because they learn from each other some novel ways of looking at things. The Knight doesn't give straight answers when the Shaman badly needs them, but it's cool with her because she knows he would never take back his words in the future. He tolerates her playing around, and a part of her is delighted whenever he shows the child in him, the one that sees the humor and the fun in common things. They both turn bloody red in each others' screens during PK Period, and she can't come near him without hitting him with her stick; but even then, they still stand beside each other comfortably and talk about things that matter until PK Period ends and another one comes. They went for a quest once, though there was no way they could party up, and gawd, does he run fassttt with those glowing shoes! (and he insists that he's fast even without it). The chat window may be filled with childish bickerings (where she bickers at times) but it's always a relief for her to see yellow strands of words that come from him in the chat window, because those words make sense. One thing leads to another, because who can help but like such a man?

***

In love, they say, there are only two types of fools: those who search for love, and those who wait for it to happen.

Maybe the Shaman hasn't outgrown the curious, adventurous little girl in her, the one that pushes her to search through all the people she meets, hoping she'll be lucky enough to find one chance---one shot---at finding true feelings. Or maybe, as her bestfriend told her, she just has too much love to give but have nowhere to place it. She knows this makes her vulnerable, but she has her values and her rational side, and both keep her actions in check.

Now she knows she can stop searching. She already found the person she's looking for. But he is the "waiting" sort of guy. The four-year gap between them in real life accounts for lots of things: he has learned to be patient, and he is patient; she, on the other hand, tends to be impulsive. He can wait but she can't. She needed to know if it's already time for her to start searching again, while he is offering a better arrangement: that of friendship.

She is not the type of person who waits for things to happen, and patience may be one virtue she lacks. But right now, she cannot trust her emotions and she is unsure of many things. At a time like this, when she can't trust herself to make sound decisions, she can only rely on him to choose what's best to do for the both of them. And he has chosen waiting. He has chosen Time to be the verdict.

And so, with him, she waits. She trusts his path so she treads on it, too. Maybe along the way, something will come up which will make her stronger and wiser so she can break free from depending on his perspective of things. She knows he wants that for her, too. But right now, while more pieces are yet to fall and fit into the great puzzle, she decides to walk the path of letting be. The path of Time is bearable for her, because she's walking it with him.

***

If there is one thing she is certain of right now, that would be this: that she genuinely likes him. The game created the atmosphere for it, to that she agrees; but she also believes that the real person behind the Knight is radiating from within that Knight character. She has no confusions about it. She likes the person, HIM, and not the sword-totting warrior-student. In her eyes, the character becomes him, and there are no facades, no illusions. She likes what little and what much she knows of him. Discovering more about him would be as much an adventure as the thrill of the game is.

***

A feeling like this, the bliss and complexity, the excitement and simplicity of this, need not last forever. It just had to be true. She doesn't harbor illusions of someday realizing this...thing...in real life, like meeting one day in the flesh to try to see if what works online can work in the complexity of real life as well. Only Time can reveal that. She knows things cannot go on forever, but she wants to keep their bond for as long as she could. She'd rather have a go for it, than someday blame her testy, cowardly self for not giving her self a chance at something that comes as rarely as the blue moon and four-leaved clovers.-